I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
