I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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