i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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