Four minutes until I can fart!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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