So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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