Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
