I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
