just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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