My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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