dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
