Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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