I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
