Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
