I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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