my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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