My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
