pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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