never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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