dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
