Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
