Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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