How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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