And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
