we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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