Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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