the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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