plz talk dirty to me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
