PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
