Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
