I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Two words: blizzard sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
