wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
