Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
