hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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