Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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