its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
