i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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