Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how drunk are you?
Several
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i out mim tonsoeep
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