When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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