Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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