Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
