He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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