My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
NoShamevember. You game?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize