his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
