watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
