Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drake has all the answers
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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