Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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