i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
