I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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