This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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