I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
