Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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