I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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