Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize