It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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