i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
