Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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