So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
