I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
my liver is dry heaving
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
