Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
