taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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