I heard we made out
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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