Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
