I can tuck mytits in my pants
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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