it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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