I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
