i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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